Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
