nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
