you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
