quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
