My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
