3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
