meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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