I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
