Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He has the fingertips of a God
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