Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
