there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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