If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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