I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
