That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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