Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
