I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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