I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's shark week go big or go home
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
