It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
