I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize