so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
