you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize