Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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