Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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