Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
