We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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