I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
