Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
