love makes seman taste better
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My breasts were aching with rage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
