I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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