She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
