He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
