U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
