party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
