I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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