dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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