Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
