I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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