I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize