I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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