He asked to "fluff my boner.."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
