The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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