Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
