I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize