I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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