There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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