what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize