my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
