1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
