How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
