I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
