Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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