I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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