My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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