careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
