I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
