I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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