I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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