Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
