He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize