my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
