my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
