I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We are two peas in an std pod
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize