Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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