no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
