Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
