so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
