so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
