It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
