I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
