yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize