Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
