dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He passed out mid-signature
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
