see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
