i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
