You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
