Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
