PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
