: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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