rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
