It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize