So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
