I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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