I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I won the penis lottery.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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