Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
