Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
