i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize