Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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