Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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