Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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