No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
