i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize