I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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