i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
