I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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