It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
