she smelled like a LAN party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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