I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
